32″ Mini Green Pine Artificial Christmas Table Top Tree – Unlit

Posted in Amazon Reviews with tags , , on January 8, 2014 by impliedmortality

I cannot begin to describe the degree to which this fake tree appeared to be a real fake tree. It’s astounding the amount of detail that went into producing a realistic fake fake tree. The artists involved are surely of the highest caliber, and likely often attend fancy ball’s where everyone wears those half face masks so they can still drink and eat. Do you really think that any of them are fooled by those masks? I mean if you went to a party with all your friends do you really think there’s any chance that you wouldn’t know it was your buddy Marvin wearing that fancy gown and trying to grope you?

32" Mini Green Pine Artificial Christmas Table Top Tree - Unlit

32" Mini Green Pine Artificial Christmas Table Top Tree – Unlit

Buy from Amazon

Joe’s USA – Baseball Game Socks – All Colors (Black, Adult (10-13))

Posted in Amazon Reviews with tags , , , on January 8, 2014 by impliedmortality

These socks were very sock like in their sockyness. My feet were all ‘Whoa, is that a new sock?’ and I was like ‘You betcha it is.’ and they replied ‘Cool.’ To complete my review please enjoy this sport sock themed haiku:

a sock can not speak
but it can keep a foot warm
if worn properly

Joe's USA - Baseball Game Socks - All Colors

Joe's USA – Baseball Game Socks – All Colors

Buy from Amazon

VideoSecu Low Profile TV Wall Mount for Most 32″ – 65″ LCD, LED, Plasma, HDTV Flat Panel TV

Posted in Amazon Reviews with tags , , , , on January 8, 2014 by impliedmortality

To comment on a tv wall mount of this significance requires an astute understanding of the combined histories of walls, tv’s and tv mounts. We begin with the invention of the wall in prehistoric times, the first cave man smashing the earth with his bear hands to form the first cave.

After having smash-built the cave the caveman finds himself dissatisfied with the entertainment options in his literal man-cave. Many, many years pass and after much hard work the caveman invents a tv mount (most would assume the tv would precede the mount, they are not only wrong but dangerously so). As there has not yet been a TV invented the caveman simply refers to his tv mount as a ‘mount’ and begins his search for something to dangle precariously from it. Many more years pass. And many more years after…until finally, in an explosion of eureka’s the caveman invents the first plasma screen HD tv with multiple HDMI inputs, component and rga support (integrated wifi would not be invented until thousands of years later).

Upon completion of his new wall mountable tv the caveman hangs it and laments to find that he has no dvd’s, no wifi and no cable to connect to his newly cave-wall-mounted-plasma-panel. So he watches the snowy noise his tv picks up from the latent background radiation lingering from the big bang and waits for society to catch up with him, build their own damn walls, build mounts for those walls, build their own HD plasma screen tv’s to hang from those mounts and finally…finally create some dumb show to put on that mounted plasma while they play candy-crush on the couch.

VideoSecu Low Profile TV Wall Mount for Most 32" - 65" LCD, LED, Plasma, HDTV Flat Panel TV with VESA up to 600x400 mm, Universal Wall Mounts Bracket ---Compatible with Sony Bravia, Samsung, LG, Haier, Panasonic, Vizio, Sharp AQUOS, Westinghouse, Pioneer, ProScan, RCA, Toshiba MF601B 1NN

VideoSecu Low Profile TV Wall Mount for Most 32" – 65" LCD, LED, Plasma, HDTV Flat Panel TV with VESA up to 600×400 mm, Universal Wall Mounts Bracket —Compatible with Sony Bravia, Samsung, LG, Haier, Panasonic, Vizio, Sharp AQUOS, Westinghouse, Pioneer, ProScan, RCA, Toshiba MF601B 1NN

Buy from Amazon

History my Ass

Posted in Fiction, Philosophy, Technology with tags , , on June 28, 2013 by impliedmortality

061130_greek

You know what drives me nuts? Of course you don’t…but sit tight and I’ll tell you.

What drives me nuts is the History channel show called ‘Ancient Aliens’. If you haven’t seen it, it is basically a bunch of historian-esque type characters bloviating about how ancient man couldn’t have been so sophisticated on their own and/or how ancient drawings depict all sorts of alien encounters. Could it be true? I suppose, anything is possible, but this show hilariously omits all the more reasonable explanations and often takes itty-bitty tiny bits of information completely out of context in an effort to make their sensationalist point (Aliens!). Ancient painting of the stars in the sky; must have been inspired by that alien visitors. It couldn’t possibly be that they found the stars interesting in and of themselves. Holy crap! Did you see that chariot looking thing shooting lazers next to the stars in that cave-sky painting? That’s indisputable evidence of ancient aliens playing galactic polo just beyond the stratosphere – or the painter was bored and thought it would look neat.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am among those who believe that aliens exist somewhere in this universe. Given the number of galaxies, stars within them and planets around those it seems absurd to believe otherwise. That said, I don’t think any alien with the ability to hop between galaxies would be hanging around our wet rock full of primitives let alone teaching us astronomy. There are plenty of perfectly reasonable explanations that don’t base themselves on the premise that humans only recently became smart enough to tie our own shoes.

Humans have always been smart, its our evolutionary advantage. We just have better tools today because over time we’ve gotten better at storing and sharing information. I read somewhere that, but for the destruction of the Ancient Library of Alexandria, there would have been nuclear weapons available during the civil war (one might argue that this war would’ve happened 100 years sooner if certain useful bits of geographical and mariner info hadn’t been lost at Alexandria…but I digress). A single lost library set our collective knowledge back an estimated 100 years. That’s pretty startling if you consider all the books, tablets, manuscripts and so on that have been lost to history either by neglect or wanton destruction.

Aside from an improved ability to keep and share information I doubt we are really any different than any other homosapien that has ever lived. You’re not really more evolved or ‘smarter’ than your ancient Mayan counterpart, you were just more likely to have access to food, clean water, lots of books and lots of people to share what they know.

So one theory is that there’s no real difference between ancients and moderns and as such it should be no surprise that they came up with clever ways to solve their problems, build their monuments and observe the universe around them.

Another theory, a personal favorite, is that these ‘advances’ of ancient times and the savants (DaVinci, Newton, Capernicus etc) weren’t simply the Einsteins of their time. They were time travelers or universe hoppers, stuck in their time or our universe, able to create solutions and have ideas that seemed well beyond their time because they had already seen it.

More Theories!

Humans figured out how to spawn new universes, we created this one and traveled here once this planet had time to cook and cool off a bit. We got stuck here after some damned saber tooth tiger ran off with the key to our trans-universe omnibus and after a few hundred generations forgot we ever knew what a universe was only to relearn and arrive at our present state of learnification.

It’s a bird…a plane…a shooting star…wait, what the fuck is it?

Posted in Random Haiku with tags , , on June 24, 2013 by impliedmortality

astro_horizon

when you watch the stars
sometimes you see something else
like the space station






It’s hella-cool, try it.

http://spotthestation.nasa.gov/

Posted in Politics, Random Haiku with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2013 by impliedmortality

NSA-Prism

what sort of dumb fuck
thinks shit can be kept secret
nixon ring a bell?

Internet Freedom Day

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , on January 18, 2013 by impliedmortality


IFD

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