Implied Mortality » Restroom Reviews

The Clarendon Hotel

impliedmortality — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:49:56 +0000

The Clarendon Hotel – Phoenix, AZ – 4 out of 5 urinal cakes

I hardly know where to start. Walking into this restroom was a highlight of the evening (which also included a nifty rooftop patio, this place is worth a visit) simply because these urinals are so outrageously awesome. The facilities were otherwise unimpressive but nothing beats walking into a restroom and being greeted by two big red lips just waiting for you to stand over them. Set aside any qualms you have about whizzing into a mouth (this is not acceptable behavior people!) and enjoy these urinals for the spectacle that they are.

Rosie McCaffrey’s

impliedmortality — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:29:27 +0000

Rosie McCaffrey’s – Phoenix, AZ – 2.5 of 5 urinal cakes.

This pissa represents 80% of the mens rooms I’ve visited. It’s clean (enough), they have running water and tiled floors. Pee here and behold the hands free flush, truly a modern marvel. One time I had to help a woman out from under her motorcycle while I was leaving this pub. I’m pretty sure she drove the bike away, I advised against that.

Yards of Piss

impliedmortality — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:19:33 +0000

Jimbo’s – Glendale, AZ – 3 out of 5 urinal cakes

Old school pissin’ troth with a contemporary and nearly indestructible twist. You really can’t go wrong at Jimbo’s unless you fall in, which should be a concern because it is certainly big enough to fit a person and drinks are cheap so you tend to leave wobbling. There’s not much else going on in this restroom so have your fun and save the aiming for home!

Bullet Proof Urinals

impliedmortality — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:26:21 +0000

Steeles – Port Angeles, WA – 2 out of 5 urinal cakes

Not that you would need to see the urinal to know this but people get into fights at this bar. They get drunk and rowdy and (I suspect) tend to treat the facilities (and other bar patrons who had the audacity to commit some perceived injustice) like a punching bag…

Which would explain this over grown tuna can bolted to the wall. While it is unquestionably unique it remains ugly all the same, and it was certainly the highlight of the indoor outhouse.

Muck Fichigan!

impliedmortality — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:43:10 +0000

Average Joe’s – Worthington, OH – 4 out of 5 urinal cakes

As you may have guessed this bathroom got high marks for their creative placement of the Michigan logo, which you can’t help but piss all over each and every time you go to recycle your fresh bud light. In addition (and if memory serves) the facilities were as clean as can be expected of a place that pours light beer for single 20-somethings, so that’s good. Be sure to play grab-ass with the Woody Hayes statue on your way out, its a sign of respect.

Welcome to the Restroom Reviews

impliedmortality — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 20:27:43 +0000

More for my own amusement than any actual redeeming reason I’ll be randomly reviewing the bathrooms of various bars, restaurants and venues I visit. As a general rule I will be intoxicated when assessing these and will not be keeping notes so all comments contained in this category will be purely from my alcohol impaired memory. Photo’s will be provided in most cases though I don’t intend to get my face kicked in because some drunk dude thinks I was interested in his naughty bits.

Enjoy!