Archive for March, 2009

Don’t Fuck with Chuck…

Posted in Misc. on March 27, 2009 by impliedmortality

Bruce Lee “killed” Chuck Norris in the Way of the Dragon (watch them fight!). Now Bruce Lee and his son are both dead. Coincidence?

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Zombie Cookies – A Mad Chefs Private Notes

Posted in Misc. with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2009 by impliedmortality

Chefs log: 090324.1
It occurs to me that I’ve oft found home-made chocolate chip cookies to go stale before I can completely consume a fresh batch. Sadly this has, on past occasions, led to the wasteful dismissal of oh so many a stale cookie. Alas, this evening a flash of inspiration! In one spontaneous explosion of insight into the mysterious realms of baking, physics and taste I’ve envisioned the holy grail of food life elongation, I’m going to recover a home-made chocolate chip cookie from the dead!

Chefs log: 090324.1a
The central issue in a stale cookie is of course the loss of moisture from the baked good. It is this deficiency that my radical procedure will attempt to, for the first time in human history, reverse. Much has been written of prolonging the life of one’s home made cookie, there is the obvious need to insulate the cookie from the greater atmosphere’s through such means as wrapping or stashing in an airtight container. Some have suggested storing the cookie in such a container with another baked good to act as a moisture reserve, the bakers equivalent of a crude camels hump, would extend the deliciousness period of a home made cookies life. But what of the cookie already stale! Indeed, and it is this which we will now endeavor to address.

The radical cookie moisture infusion experimental procedure “alpha” is as follows:
Required materials:
-Paper plates (2)(3 if you want to eat your cookie off of one when finished)
-Microwave (1)
-Tap water (1 gallon)
-Brown Sugar (4 cups)
-Cinnamon (1 bushel)
-Honey (2 liters)
-Butter (1 lbs)

On the first paper plate pour a small amount of water on to the surface such that the water does not over spill the edges when the 2nd paper plate is set on top. Place the 2nd paper plate atop the first smashing the water between gently. Place the cookie or cookies atop the 2nd paper plate, note that they are insulated from the direct soggy wetness by the paper plate. It should be observed that this test utilized the superior structural capacity of Chinette brand paper plates.

Transport by appropriate means the stacked paper plates containing the water and the cookie or cookies to the Microwave cooking appliance. Insert the plate cookie stack and microwave those sad, dry, undesirable cookies at full power. Cooking time will vary depending on the materials and microwave power and thus you should monitor the cooking cookie or cookies closely. Pressing your fingers against the top flat surface of a representative cookie will allow you to gauge the progress. You should aspire to remove the cookie when it has become warm but not hot and the texture is noticeably more spongy.

Once removed quickly apply butter to the top surfaces of the cookie or cookies so as to take advantage of the latent warmth, this should if performed correctly, cause the butter to be absorbed into the chewy structures of the cookie or cookies. Sprinkle brown sugar and cinnamon on top to taste and enjoy your delicious zombie cookie! Honey may be added for a special sweet surprise.

Chefs log: 090324.1b
Success!

The radical cookie moisture infusion experimental procedure “alpha” is a complete success. The cookie lives! The implications are staggering, should the same concept be applied to mankind we would become IMMORTAL! A new bread of un-dead cookie eating super-human! I’ve enabled the next great evolutionary leap!

I also believe a niche bakery business could be carved from creative use of this procedure on day old baked goods. Things to ponder…

Racing Camel…

Posted in Misc. with tags , , , on March 11, 2009 by impliedmortality

Ever notice how a racing camel looks like a cross between a greyhound and a giraffe?

…me neither.