Archive for January, 2014

32″ Mini Green Pine Artificial Christmas Table Top Tree – Unlit

Posted in Amazon Reviews with tags , , on January 8, 2014 by impliedmortality

I cannot begin to describe the degree to which this fake tree appeared to be a real fake tree. It’s astounding the amount of detail that went into producing a realistic fake fake tree. The artists involved are surely of the highest caliber, and likely often attend fancy ball’s where everyone wears those half face masks so they can still drink and eat. Do you really think that any of them are fooled by those masks? I mean if you went to a party with all your friends do you really think there’s any chance that you wouldn’t know it was your buddy Marvin wearing that fancy gown and trying to grope you?

http://amzn.to/1KIQ3RC

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Joe’s USA – Baseball Game Socks – All Colors (Black, Adult (10-13))

Posted in Amazon Reviews with tags , , , on January 8, 2014 by impliedmortality

These socks were very sock like in their sockyness. My feet were all ‘Whoa, is that a new sock?’ and I was like ‘You betcha it is.’ and they replied ‘Cool.’ To complete my review please enjoy this sport sock themed haiku:

a sock can not speak
but it can keep a foot warm
if worn properly

http://amzn.to/1Kd0oyQ

VideoSecu Low Profile TV Wall Mount for Most 32″ – 65″ LCD, LED, Plasma, HDTV Flat Panel TV

Posted in Amazon Reviews with tags , , , , on January 8, 2014 by impliedmortality

To comment on a tv wall mount of this significance requires an astute understanding of the combined histories of walls, tv’s and tv mounts. We begin with the invention of the wall in prehistoric times, the first cave man smashing the earth with his bear hands to form the first cave.

After having smash-built the cave the caveman finds himself dissatisfied with the entertainment options in his literal man-cave. Many, many years pass and after much hard work the caveman invents a tv mount (most would assume the tv would precede the mount, they are not only wrong but dangerously so). As there has not yet been a TV invented the caveman simply refers to his tv mount as a ‘mount’ and begins his search for something to dangle precariously from it. Many more years pass. And many more years after…until finally, in an explosion of eureka’s the caveman invents the first plasma screen HD tv with multiple HDMI inputs, component and rga support (integrated wifi would not be invented until thousands of years later).

Upon completion of his new wall mountable tv the caveman hangs it and laments to find that he has no dvd’s, no wifi and no cable to connect to his newly cave-wall-mounted-plasma-panel. So he watches the snowy noise his tv picks up from the latent background radiation lingering from the big bang and waits for society to catch up with him, build their own damn walls, build mounts for those walls, build their own HD plasma screen tv’s to hang from those mounts and finally…finally create some dumb show to put on that mounted plasma while they play candy-crush on the couch.

http://amzn.to/1MgG8CW