Implied Mortality

Chefs Log : 060309-a7:12
Our quest to revive deceased snacks continues this evening ladies and gentlemen! I am proud to announce that we have done it again! Tonight I will describe to you the tools and techniques required to create your very own army of undead roast beef sandwiches.

The first requirement of course is to purchase a roast beef sandwich. For this test we ordered a medium roast beef sandwich from the local Arby’s. It was a precarious exercise as the parking lot was riddled with half unfinished construction projects and the men who would presumably be working on them had they not been abandoned for whatever reason.

Allow that sandwich to expire first on your desk where you had intended to eat it and then several hours later in the refrigerator while you ponder what t-shirt to wear on the couch that evening.

Materials for part “A”

roast beef sandwich
t-shirt
couch

Chefs Log 060309-b7:50
The “B” phase is where all the action is. Now get off that couch and go remove that sandwich from the paper bag and foil wrapper. CAREFULLY remove the bread from the alleged roast beef. Place the bread or bun if you prefer, and place it on the open rack of your trusty toaster oven. Insert and initiate toast function Alpha-Gulf-ToastyToast (this is generally the most reliable toaster setting. any toaster without this specific label is probably complete junk).

Now gather up that ‘roast beef’ that is left and pile it on a paper plate in a pile that is of approximately the size and shape of the intended bread / bun target. Place a slice of REAL CHEESE on top of that meat pile and insert that into your 20gigawatt microwave (lesser models tremble before the mighty power of the 20gigawatt). microwave it until it is half way done and then stop it. What is half way? How the hell should I know!? You are going to have to watch and listen for cooking noises and just guess or something.

Check the bread! GAAWD! It’s probably burning. Is it burning? Soggy still you say? Well I guess we caught it just in time, put it back in and restart the COOKING OF THE MEAT!!!

Ding – Ding That was the toaster and the microwave going off at the same time. Sounding the alert that the time has come to assemble this mighty undead sandwich BEAST.

Chefs Log: 060309-c8:00
Immediately remove the the bread/bun slices from the toaster oven and place them on a plate of some sort. Apply any arby’s, horsey, or other sauce types you wish while the bread is cooling. Using a spatula, your hand, a sandal, or the unusual utensil of your choice (send pictures please) place the still smoldering meat pile onto a slice of bread/bun. Top with the other half of that toasty bread/bun and press down…. GENTLY DAMN IT! Whew…close one.